Ability Forum

[Kr_iyer]

Lessons of Silence
<http://www.strategy-business.com/li/leadingideas/li00076?pg=all#authors>
by Bruno Kahne

5/22/08
What the deaf can teach us about listening - and making ourselves heard.

In December 2006, while developing a leadership program for Airbus, I met an
executive whose youngest son was born without hearing. Through this man and
www.WebSourd.org, a French-language Web site that he founded to offer online
sign-language translation services, I became familiar with the silent
culture of deaf people. As I immersed myself in their visual, intensely
expressive language, I realized that through their "handicap," deaf people
had developed certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing
people, which made them uncommonly effective at getting their point across.
Thus a radical experiment was born: to work with deaf people as
communication consultants for our corporate clients. The idea was not to
teach our clients sign language - although some of our deaf trainers remain
convinced that such training would resolve many problems - but to help them
adopt communication skills from the deaf world that would make them better
colleagues and managers.

When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them
communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people. Some of these
behaviors are simple and obvious, but it's remarkable how often hearing
people do the opposite. To improve your "hearing," consider some of these
lessons from our experiences and training sessions.

1. Look people in the eye. In my initial meetings with deaf people, I used
an interpreter. That in itself was a strange situation: looking at one
person while listening to another. During one conversation I was struck by
something a young woman had "said," so I started to write it down in my
notebook. Suddenly the atmosphere changed. I looked up and saw the woman
frowning angrily at me. I asked her, through the interpreter, what was
wrong. "You are being very rude," she replied. "Why?" I asked, totally lost.
"Because you cut the conversation," she responded, explaining that when I
stopped looking her in the eye, I also stopped our communication. "I
apologize," I said. "But what you just said was interesting, and I didn't
want to forget it." Her answer was quick and sharp: "No, Bruno. You don't
write to remember. You don't remember because you write!" I was incredulous.
"What are you saying? That because you didn't take any notes during this
meeting, you will be able to remember everything?" Calmly, she answered,
"That's correct. Since I don't write, I'm more present in the interaction
and I can concentrate more. And the more I do it, the better I remember."
Ten days later, when I met this young woman again, she was able to recall
not just everything we covered in the original meeting, but also the color
of my shirt, tie, and even how many chairs were in the room. From that day
on, I stopped taking notes during meetings and interviews. And indeed, since
then, my memory has improved.

2. Don't interrupt. Deaf people follow a very strict protocol: Only one
person signs at a time. If another person tries to interrupt, the others in
the group shake their right hands to signify to the "interrupter" that he or
she must wait until the "speaker" is finished. This approach to
communication, which at first feels slow, is in fact extremely efficient
because there is much less misunderstanding to explain or recover from.
Consensus and agreement are arrived at more quickly than during a typical
raucous overlapping conversation. By communicating sequentially, a deaf
person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before
trying to be understood. Try this the next time you're in a business
discussion, ideally one in which there's some tension - let the other person
finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before
responding. You will find that, in the long term, slower is faster.

3. Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. This is
why people with hearing sometimes perceive sign language as blunt to the
point of rudeness. It's not. It's just explicit. The deaf tend not to hide
behind soft language, struggling to find the most diplomatic wording and
hoping that the listener will be able to discern what they "really" mean.
And indeed, deaf people reveal not only their thoughts, but also their
feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do,
as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often
far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey
their message. For example, I wanted to tell one of our deaf trainers about
my last trip to India. I didn't know the sign for India, so I was forced to
improvise. I tried drawing maps with my finger, and then tried to come up
with gestures for cultural symbols. Suddenly, I saw a light in his eyes.
With a big smile, he took his index finger and placed it between his
eyebrows - his sign for the familiar Bindi adornment - asking me to confirm.
So simple! I later learned that the sign for Belgium, my native country, is
to wipe imaginary beer froth from the lips with the right thumb.

4. When you don't understand something, ask. Because sign language is a
constantly evolving language - and because its evolution isn't slowed down
by the need to develop a written counterpart - new signs emerge all the
time. Consequently, even if they use the same national sign language, two
deaf people from different parts of the same country will use words unique
to their region. Aware of this, deaf people feel completely at ease saying
"I don't know" or "I don't understand." Those of us with hearing aren't
nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit
silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical
<http://www.strategy-business.com/li/leadingideas/li00065> jargon we don't
grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.
Ironically, we'd rather leave a meeting clueless than risk being perceived
as stupid. Many meetings conclude with some version of "So, do we all
agree?" which discourages anyone from saying no or asking questions. A
better approach, which encourages people to speak up, is to ask each person,
individually, whether he or she would like clarification about anything that
has been discussed.

5. Stay focused. We all know how difficult it is to concentrate on only one
thing when the phone is ringing, e-mail alerts are pouring in, and a
colleague has just stopped by. The deaf cut themselves off from any
distractions, they don't multitask, and they focus their attention entirely
on the conversation. In a recent meeting with some deaf people, I presented
a new workflow chart. I gave them each a document outlining the program,
planning to elaborate on it as they read the material. One of them stopped
me and asked if they should first read, then discuss or first discuss, then
read. Doing both at the same time was impossible to them - and of course,
despite what we try to do, it is also impossible for us.

These are just a few of the many communications behaviors we can learn from
deaf people. But overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with
deaf people - and the behavior most worth emulating - is their incredibly
strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.
This desire is so strong, in fact, that it often highlights how feeble,
misguided, and wishy-washy our own attempts at dialogue are by comparison.
It turns out that the people who are truly handicapped in communication are
not necessarily those with a physical disability.

_________________
If they answer not to thy call walk alone,
If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,
O thou unlucky one,
open thy mind and speak out alone.
RABINDRANATH TAGORE

Lessons of Silence
<http://www.strategy-business.com/li/leadingideas/li00076?pg=all#authors>
by Bruno Kahne

5/22/08
What the deaf can teach us about listening - and making ourselves heard.

In December 2006, while developing a leadership program for Airbus, I met an
executive whose youngest son was born without hearing. Through this man and
www.WebSourd.org, a French-language Web site that he founded to offer online
sign-language translation services, I became familiar with the silent
culture of deaf people. As I immersed myself in their visual, intensely
expressive language, I realized that through their "handicap," deaf people
had developed certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing
people, which made them uncommonly effective at getting their point across.
Thus a radical experiment was born: to work with deaf people as
communication consultants for our corporate clients. The idea was not to
teach our clients sign language - although some of our deaf trainers remain
convinced that such training would resolve many problems - but to help them
adopt communication skills from the deaf world that would make them better
colleagues and managers.

When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them
communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people. Some of these
behaviors are simple and obvious, but it's remarkable how often hearing
people do the opposite. To improve your "hearing," consider some of these
lessons from our experiences and training sessions.

1. Look people in the eye. In my initial meetings with deaf people, I used
an interpreter. That in itself was a strange situation: looking at one
person while listening to another. During one conversation I was struck by
something a young woman had "said," so I started to write it down in my
notebook. Suddenly the atmosphere changed. I looked up and saw the woman
frowning angrily at me. I asked her, through the interpreter, what was
wrong. "You are being very rude," she replied. "Why?" I asked, totally lost.
"Because you cut the conversation," she responded, explaining that when I
stopped looking her in the eye, I also stopped our communication. "I
apologize," I said. "But what you just said was interesting, and I didn't
want to forget it." Her answer was quick and sharp: "No, Bruno. You don't
write to remember. You don't remember because you write!" I was incredulous.
"What are you saying? That because you didn't take any notes during this
meeting, you will be able to remember everything?" Calmly, she answered,
"That's correct. Since I don't write, I'm more present in the interaction
and I can concentrate more. And the more I do it, the better I remember."
Ten days later, when I met this young woman again, she was able to recall
not just everything we covered in the original meeting, but also the color
of my shirt, tie, and even how many chairs were in the room. From that day
on, I stopped taking notes during meetings and interviews. And indeed, since
then, my memory has improved.

2. Don't interrupt. Deaf people follow a very strict protocol: Only one
person signs at a time. If another person tries to interrupt, the others in
the group shake their right hands to signify to the "interrupter" that he or
she must wait until the "speaker" is finished. This approach to
communication, which at first feels slow, is in fact extremely efficient
because there is much less misunderstanding to explain or recover from.
Consensus and agreement are arrived at more quickly than during a typical
raucous overlapping conversation. By communicating sequentially, a deaf
person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before
trying to be understood. Try this the next time you're in a business
discussion, ideally one in which there's some tension - let the other person
finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before
responding. You will find that, in the long term, slower is faster.

3. Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. This is
why people with hearing sometimes perceive sign language as blunt to the
point of rudeness. It's not. It's just explicit. The deaf tend not to hide
behind soft language, struggling to find the most diplomatic wording and
hoping that the listener will be able to discern what they "really" mean.
And indeed, deaf people reveal not only their thoughts, but also their
feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do,
as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often
far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey
their message. For example, I wanted to tell one of our deaf trainers about
my last trip to India. I didn't know the sign for India, so I was forced to
improvise. I tried drawing maps with my finger, and then tried to come up
with gestures for cultural symbols. Suddenly, I saw a light in his eyes.
With a big smile, he took his index finger and placed it between his
eyebrows - his sign for the familiar Bindi adornment - asking me to confirm.
So simple! I later learned that the sign for Belgium, my native country, is
to wipe imaginary beer froth from the lips with the right thumb.

4. When you don't understand something, ask. Because sign language is a
constantly evolving language - and because its evolution isn't slowed down
by the need to develop a written counterpart - new signs emerge all the
time. Consequently, even if they use the same national sign language, two
deaf people from different parts of the same country will use words unique
to their region. Aware of this, deaf people feel completely at ease saying
"I don't know" or "I don't understand." Those of us with hearing aren't
nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit
silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical
<http://www.strategy-business.com/li/leadingideas/li00065> jargon we don't
grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.
Ironically, we'd rather leave a meeting clueless than risk being perceived
as stupid. Many meetings conclude with some version of "So, do we all
agree?" which discourages anyone from saying no or asking questions. A
better approach, which encourages people to speak up, is to ask each person,
individually, whether he or she would like clarification about anything that
has been discussed.

5. Stay focused. We all know how difficult it is to concentrate on only one
thing when the phone is ringing, e-mail alerts are pouring in, and a
colleague has just stopped by. The deaf cut themselves off from any
distractions, they don't multitask, and they focus their attention entirely
on the conversation. In a recent meeting with some deaf people, I presented
a new workflow chart. I gave them each a document outlining the program,
planning to elaborate on it as they read the material. One of them stopped
me and asked if they should first read, then discuss or first discuss, then
read. Doing both at the same time was impossible to them - and of course,
despite what we try to do, it is also impossible for us.

These are just a few of the many communications behaviors we can learn from
deaf people. But overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with
deaf people - and the behavior most worth emulating - is their incredibly
strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.
This desire is so strong, in fact, that it often highlights how feeble,
misguided, and wishy-washy our own attempts at dialogue are by comparison.
It turns out that the people who are truly handicapped in communication are
not necessarily those with a physical disability.

_________________
If they answer not to thy call walk alone,
If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,
O thou unlucky one,
open thy mind and speak out alone.
RABINDRANATH TAGORE

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