Ability Forum

[srividyaa]

Joe and Johny Jokes  
  
Joe and Johny were fixing a bomb in a car.
Joe : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Johny : Dont worry, I have one more.

Joe was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Johny asks: Y r u removing a wheel from your auto?
Joe: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Joe: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Joe: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Johny: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Johny: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Johny: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Joe joined a new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.Boss is happy and asks : "What work did u do?"
Joe: "Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright..."

Johny proposes to a girl. Girl says, " Listen, I'm one year older to you"
Johny: "Ok, no problem darling, I will marry you next year."

Joe enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Joe seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Joe replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Joe tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Joe says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Joe goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

Joe and Johny Jokes  
  
Joe and Johny were fixing a bomb in a car.
Joe : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Johny : Dont worry, I have one more.

Joe was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Johny asks: Y r u removing a wheel from your auto?
Joe: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Joe: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Joe: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Johny: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Johny: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Johny: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Joe joined a new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.Boss is happy and asks : "What work did u do?"
Joe: "Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright..."

Johny proposes to a girl. Girl says, " Listen, I'm one year older to you"
Johny: "Ok, no problem darling, I will marry you next year."

Joe enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Joe seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Joe replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Joe tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Joe says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Joe goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

[Adverts]

[srividyaa]

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:


"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"


The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"


"No" replied the trainee.


"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"


The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.


"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:


"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"


The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"


"No" replied the trainee.


"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"


The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.


"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

[Lacchu]

See , how people write leave Applications.
It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.
Just Read It.

The Leave Applications; )

An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:  
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A candidate's job application:


"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post

See , how people write leave Applications.
It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.
Just Read It.

The Leave Applications; )

An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:  
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A candidate's job application:


"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post

[srividyaa]

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
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*
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."

[Lacchu]

Juss a tickle !! Go on read …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                              
A drunkard was brought to court.
            Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
          
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer   :  Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter       :  Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter      :  Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer  :  No, I can't.
Waiter      :  Then does it really matter ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well,"  began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter      :  Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter      :  That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waiter      : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer  : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
                                     
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1st thief     :  Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief    :  But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief     :  Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man  : How old is your father?
Boy  : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter      :   Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl    :  Do you love me?
Boy   :  Yes Dear.
Girl    : Would you die for me?
Boy   :  No, mine is undying love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife           :  Do you want dinner?
Husband     :  Sure, what are my choices?
Wife           :  Yes and no.
                                        
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer      :   If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master   :  Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer      : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master   :  Why not?
Customer      :  It's addressed to Mumbai.
                 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                
!!..Trust You Had   Some Laughs..!!

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

Juss a tickle !! Go on read …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                              
A drunkard was brought to court.
            Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
          
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer   :  Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter       :  Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter      :  Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer  :  No, I can't.
Waiter      :  Then does it really matter ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well,"  began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter      :  Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter      :  That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waiter      : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer  : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
                                     
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1st thief     :  Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief    :  But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief     :  Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man  : How old is your father?
Boy  : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter      :   Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl    :  Do you love me?
Boy   :  Yes Dear.
Girl    : Would you die for me?
Boy   :  No, mine is undying love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife           :  Do you want dinner?
Husband     :  Sure, what are my choices?
Wife           :  Yes and no.
                                        
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer      :   If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master   :  Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer      : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master   :  Why not?
Customer      :  It's addressed to Mumbai.
                 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                
!!..Trust You Had   Some Laughs..!!

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

[srividyaa]

Hellloooo  kya aplog thodasa apna dimag lagainge ?  

1)Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
.
.
why ?? why ??
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.
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.
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.

Because, Tendulkar is an opener.


2)Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
..
.
Socho socho
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

3)What will! u call a person who is leaving India??

Socho....... ........Socho
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.
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.
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.
Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

4)Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam
Kya tha......... ......... ......... ........ .
Socho yar ....its very easy
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Answer: adidas

5)Luv and Kush were going to a village & in between
comes a well. Luv fells into the well. Why ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
Because Luv is blind!!!!!

6)Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
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.

.
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OK lot's of head scratching done.
.
.
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Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Want one more...

7) Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
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nahi pata..??
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Answer: D'Cold
"chain ki saans - D'cold"




8)Ek aur.....
Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol
chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??

arey yeh to batao ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
think harder...
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Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha,
ha..kitna asan tha ....kya yaar...tum bi na


9)Ek aur muaka dete hain tumhe .....
kamal,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the..
bus aai vimal chad jata hai p er kamal nahin jata
hai why???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

aur chhaiye kya?
...theek hai
.
.
.
yeh lo...

10)Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade
the...bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti
Kapoor nahin jata
Qyo???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Qyonkieeeeeee ....
Shakti Kapoor dus ri bus ka wait Kar raha tha......... .....

----------
Regards
Srividyaa

Hellloooo  kya aplog thodasa apna dimag lagainge ?  

1)Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
.
.
why ?? why ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Because, Tendulkar is an opener.


2)Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
..
.
Socho socho
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

3)What will! u call a person who is leaving India??

Socho....... ........Socho
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

4)Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam
Kya tha......... ......... ......... ........ .
Socho yar ....its very easy
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: adidas

5)Luv and Kush were going to a village & in between
comes a well. Luv fells into the well. Why ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because Luv is blind!!!!!

6)Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
OK lot's of head scratching done.
.
.
.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Want one more...

7) Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
nahi pata..??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: D'Cold
"chain ki saans - D'cold"




8)Ek aur.....
Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol
chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??

arey yeh to batao ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
think harder...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha,
ha..kitna asan tha ....kya yaar...tum bi na


9)Ek aur muaka dete hain tumhe .....
kamal,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the..
bus aai vimal chad jata hai p er kamal nahin jata
hai why???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

aur chhaiye kya?
...theek hai
.
.
.
yeh lo...

10)Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade
the...bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti
Kapoor nahin jata
Qyo???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Qyonkieeeeeee ....
Shakti Kapoor dus ri bus ka wait Kar raha tha......... .....

----------
Regards
Srividyaa

[Lacchu]

Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata.. par yahan future bada bright  hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,
"Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!"

Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........

Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly
reduce the pain of Today !!!

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata.. par yahan future bada bright  hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,
"Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!"

Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........

Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly
reduce the pain of Today !!!

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

[Lacchu]

Con$ider thi$ at the earlie$t.




How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

  
Dear Bo$$  
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$of u$worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$$incerely,

Marian $hih

How the Boss may reply for a salary increase request ...





The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :





Dear Marian


I kNOw you have been working very hard.NOwadays,NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company isNOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After theNOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

Con$ider thi$ at the earlie$t.




How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

  
Dear Bo$$  
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$of u$worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$$incerely,

Marian $hih

How the Boss may reply for a salary increase request ...





The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :





Dear Marian


I kNOw you have been working very hard.NOwadays,NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company isNOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After theNOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

[srividyaa]

Computer Dependency Test :

Here's a quick & very simple test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.

Q: How Many Legs You Have?

To find out the answer, look down...








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Look down, not scroll down!

Computer Dependency Test :

Here's a quick & very simple test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.

Q: How Many Legs You Have?

To find out the answer, look down...








.
..
.
.
..
.
.
..
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Look down, not scroll down!

[srividyaa]

How To Catch a Lion !! ??


Ø Newton's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is equal and opposite

reaction. Implies you caught lion.



Ø Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also

run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can

trap

it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven

that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues

tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.





Ø Indian Police Method:

catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to

accept that its a lion.



Ø Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack

anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in

fear itself.





Ø Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put

the

lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears. The

lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.





Ø Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and

lioness

fall in love with each other. Send another

lioness

in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second

lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another

lioness(third) into the forest. You don't

understand

right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then

also u wont !





Ø Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a

good scenic location.


Ø Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.


Ø Menaka Gandhi method:

save the lion from a danger and feed him with some

vegetables continuously.



Ø Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls

and

score 1 run .

How To Catch a Lion !! ??


Ø Newton's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is equal and opposite

reaction. Implies you caught lion.



Ø Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also

run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can

trap

it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven

that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues

tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.





Ø Indian Police Method:

catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to

accept that its a lion.



Ø Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack

anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in

fear itself.





Ø Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put

the

lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears. The

lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.





Ø Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and

lioness

fall in love with each other. Send another

lioness

in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second

lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another

lioness(third) into the forest. You don't

understand

right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then

also u wont !





Ø Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a

good scenic location.


Ø Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.


Ø Menaka Gandhi method:

save the lion from a danger and feed him with some

vegetables continuously.



Ø Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls

and

score 1 run .

[Unnimaxx]

Amazing Paradox!



Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to  learn but as unable to pay the fees. The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court".

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to  pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per  the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have toget  the money".


Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to  pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything". This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

Amazing Paradox!



Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to  learn but as unable to pay the fees. The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court".

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to  pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per  the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have toget  the money".


Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to  pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything". This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

[Unnimaxx]

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

[Unnimaxx]

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-^^^^^ is four."
"Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

[Unnimaxx]

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married. So Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance - Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"

By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far………"

Mr. Smith faints………….

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married. So Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance - Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine"

By this time Mr Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr.Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far………"

Mr. Smith faints………….

[Unnimaxx]

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?  

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?  

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'